iDcOuTdjq8E.srt

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Okay,
one of the things that I've figured out 

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over the last years is this is a good 
proposition,

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so you know,
it's pretty self evident that life is 

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has got its rat's nest of miseries and 
that's for sure,

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and maybe you could even make a 
categorical statement that life is 

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mostly a rat's nest of misery.
You know,

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when you could make a pretty powerful 
argument for that,

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but then there's a counter question 
which is,

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well,
what if you tried not to make it any 

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more miserable than it had to be?
Right?

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Then what?
Then what would it be like?

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And my suspicions are,
is that lot of misery.

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I would suspect that most of that misery
would go away because it's the 

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unnecessary misery that really brings 
you down.

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You know?
It's like,

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well,
if someone has cancer,

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it's like that sucks,
but it's not like.

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It's not like you can say,
if only we had done this differently 

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than that wouldn't have happened,
but when someone's out like torturing 

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you in a malevolent way or maybe you're 
doing the same,

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you can always ask yourself,
was really,

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is this really necessary?

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Is this just like an useless add onto 
the miseries of life?

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That's what disheartens people,
and so even in your own life,

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if,
if you,

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if,
if you aren't suffering from self 

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imposed misery and you're only suffering
from an escapable misery,

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maybe you could handle that and you know
who you could,

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you could survive,
you could bear it,

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and even maybe without becoming 
irredeemably corrupt,

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so the goal would be,
well,

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yeah,
life is a rat's nest of miseries and 

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maybe it has no ultimate meaning.
We could say that if we're feeling 

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particularly pessimistic,
but it still leaves one question open,

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which is if you didn't do everything you
could to make it worse,

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how good could you make it be?
And the least answer is,

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well,
it could be tragedy,

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but maybe not hell.
And I think that's right.

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I really believe that that's the most 
pessimistic proper statement.

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The worst case outcome in the worst of 
all possible worlds is that your life 

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could be tragic but not hell.
And that's a lot better than hell.

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Right?
And you think I could give you an 

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example of the difference.
You're at your mother's death bed.

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Well,
that's tragedy.

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Here's another scenario.
You're out of your mother's death bed 

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and all you,
you and all your idiot siblings are 

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arguing.
Well that's the difference between 

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tragedy and hell and you might be able 
to tolerate the first circumstance and 

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maybe it would even bring you closer 
together with your family members.

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The second one,
no one can bear that.

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You walk away from a situation like 
that.

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Sick of yourself and sick of everything 
else too and you know,

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it's often the case that tragic 
circumstances bring out the dragons 

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because the stress is high and all those
things that people haven't dealt with,

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they don't have the energy to repress 
and,

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and all the bitterness comes pouring 
forward.

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So like seriously man it is.
So that's actually a good.

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It's a rough lesson but it's a good 
hallmark for figuring out whether or not

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you're.
You've got yourself adjusted properly 

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and in relationship to your siblings.
It's like if you were all gathered 

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around the bed,
if someone close who was dying,

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could you manage it?
If the answer is no,

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it's like,
well,

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put your life together because it's 
going to happen and you should be the 

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person who's there that can do it and do
it properly,

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and then maybe you'd find that it isn't 
the sort of thing that will undermine 

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your faith in life itself.
And I've seen,

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I've seen both of those situations,
you know,

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ugly,
ugly,

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ugly situations,
murderously,

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ugly situations,
and then they're opposite where people 

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have had terrible things happen and to 
happen to them as a family and you know,

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they pulled together and they rebuild 
their damn ship and they sail away.

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And so that seems to me to be a lot 
better.

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That makes,
you know,

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uh,
when the flood comes,

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right?
Well,

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okay,
so the same thing.

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The question emerges,
well,

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who are you?
Well,

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you could say you're this plan.
That's what people usually,

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that's how people usually identified.
Maybe they have no plan at all and 

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they're just in chaos,
right?

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That's like being in the belly of the 
beast.

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They're nihilistic and chaos.
They have no plan.

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They're just chaos itself.
And that's a very dreadful situation for

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people to be in,
or maybe they conjured together a plan 

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that's their identity.
It's kind of fragile and they're holding

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onto that with with everything they've 
got.

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It's their little stick award that 
they're floating in the ocean clinging 

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to,
you know?

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And so they're identifying really hard 
with that plan.

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That's what happens when you're an idiot
log has that.

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You're identifying really hard with that
plan.

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The problem is if something comes up to 
confront it,

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well,
how do you act?

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What you can't let go with the plan 
because you drown.

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When you cling to it rigidly.
Well that's no good because then you 

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can't learn anything.
Then if that's you,

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you're a totalitarian,
you're going to learn anything.

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You're going to end up in something 
that's close enough to hell so that you 

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won't know the difference and you might 
drag everyone along with you.

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Now it's happened plenty of times,
right?

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It's the whole story of the 20th 
century.

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It happened over and over and over,
and it happens in people's states.

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It happens in their business 
organizations.

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It happens in their cities.
It happens in their provinces,

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it happens in their states,
and it happens in their psyches all at 

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the same time.
You can't blame the manifestation of 

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that sort of thing on any of those 
levels.

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It happens when a society goes down that
way.

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It goes down everywhere at the same 
time.

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It's not the totalitarians at the top 
and all the happy people striving to be 

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free at the bottom.
It's not that at all.

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It's totalitarianism at every single 
level of the hierarchy,

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including the psychological and so you 
don't want to be the thing.

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You don't want to be in chaos,
that's for sure,

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but you don't want to be the thing that 
clings so desperately to the raft that 

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you can't let go.
When someone comes to rescue you,

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right?
You don't want to be that,

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so then you think,
well,

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exactly what are you?
You're not the chaos.

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You're not the plan.

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Maybe you're the thing that confronts 
the obstacle,

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and I would say that's the categorical 
lesson of of psychology in so far as it 

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has to do with personal transformation 
because that's what you always teach 

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people in psychotherapy.
I don't care what sort of 

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psychotherapist you are,
you're always teaching them the same 

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thing.
You're the thing that can.

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You're not.
You're the planned.

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You're the thing that can confront the 
obstacle to the plant and then when you 

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know even further that the obstacle is 
not only an obstacle,

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but opportunity itself will then your 
whole view of the world can change 

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because you might think,
well,

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I've got this planned.
Something came up to object to it.

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It's like it's possible that the thing 
that's objecting has something to teach 

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you that will take you to the place 
where you develop it.

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Even better plant and it's a nice 
framework to use.

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It's like,
are you so sure that this is a problem?

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Is that the only way that you can look 
at it?

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Or is it an opportunity?
I mean,

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I'm not trying to be,
you know,

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naive,
optimistic.

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There are some things that's pretty hard
to extract gold from some dragons and 

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maybe the death of a family member is a 
good example of that.

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But even in a situation like that,
I can tell you that it's an opportunity 

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for.
It's an opportunity for maturation,

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that's for sure.
And the thing is you might say,

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well,
it's pretty miserable to go to be 

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digging for gold when someone's falling 
into the grave.

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Well,
if they really love you,

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first of all,
that's what they'll want you to do,

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and second,
you're going to make their death a lot 

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more palatable experience for them.
If you're someone who can be in the room

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and be helpful instead of being,
you know,

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quivering in the corner and feeling that
the entire world is collapsing in on 

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you.

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I mean,
that's another.

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You want to be the useful person at the 
funeral.

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How's that for a goal?
That's a good goal,

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man.
You know that you've got yourself 

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together in a situation like that 
because you're going to be after and 

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maybe you want to be the person on whose
shoulder people cry.

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That'd be a good goal and it's Kinda,
you know,

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I don't like being naively optimistic.
So when I tell you to get your life 

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together,
I'm not going to say roses and sunshine.

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It's like,
that's,

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that's,
that's,

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that's Pablum for fools.
But it really is something to be the 

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reliable person at a funeral.
Right?

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And you can aim it that you can do that.
You gotta be tough to do that because it

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also means that you can sustain a major 
loss without collapsing and that you've 

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got to be a monster to do that.
Right?