QQ5oqgJWJyw.srt

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That's why a dragon hordes gold.
It's like,

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what's up with that?
Well,

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it'll eat you and it will,
but it has gold.

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Well,
so what do you do about that?

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Because it's,
it's,

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it's paradoxical demands.
Well,

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what you want to do is face the dragon 
and get the damn gold.

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That's what you want to do.
Well,

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you have to be a paradoxical being even 
to do that.

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So,
you know,

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in,
in the Hobbit,

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for example,
when,

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what's his name,
Frodo,

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right?
Isn't,

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it's not Bilbo Bilbo in the Harvard,
you know,

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he's kind of this little underdeveloped

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overprotected shire dweller and he's 
called on a great adventure to go and 

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find the dragon and he has to become a 
thief in order to manage it.

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Well,
that's pretty weird,

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you know,
it's like,

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well,
it's because as a good citizen,

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he's just not enough to conquer a 
dragon.

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He asked to also become a bad citizen in
some sense.

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He has to incorporate the part of 
themselves that's monstrous,

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let's say,
and develop that and hone it.

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And that's to say that,
well,

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if you're harmless,
you're not virtuous,

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you're just harmless.
You're like a rabbit.

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Rabbit isn't virtuous.
It's just just can't do anything except 

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get eaten.
It's not virtuous.

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If you're a monster and you don't act 
monstrously,

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then you're virtuous,
but you also have to be a monster while 

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you see this all the time.
Harry Potter's like that too.

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It's like he's.
He's flawed,

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he's hurt,
he's got evil in him.

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He can talk to snakes.
Man.

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He breaks rules all the time,
all the time.

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He's not an obedient at all,
but you know,

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he has a good reason for breaking the 
rules and if he couldn't break the 

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rules,
him and his little clique of rule 

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breaking troublemakers.
If they didn't break the rules,

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they wouldn't attain the highest goal.
So it's very peculiar,

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but it's very,
very.

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It's a very,
very,

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very,
very common mythological notion.

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You know,
the hero has to be,

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the hero has to be a monster,
but a controlled monster.

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Batman is like that.
You know what I mean?

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It's,
it's everywhere.

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It's the tour story.
You always hear meaning.

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We have to be more precise.

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Well,
that's good.

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That's a good question because one 
question is,

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you know,
you're kind of implicitly moral insofar 

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as you're socialized,
but that's sort of procedural.

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It's just built into you.
This is different.

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This is also becoming conscious of it 
and expanding out your personality into 

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dimensions that it wouldn't normally 
occupy.

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So did.
This happens to people all the time.

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So for example,
lots of my clients,

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my clinical clients are too agreeable 
and they're generally women because 

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women are more agreeable than men,
but always because I've had agreeable 

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man,
his clients as well and what happens is 

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they,
they're resentful and they don't know 

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how to stand up for themselves and it's 
because they're very compassionate by 

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nature and so if you're entering into a 
negotiation with them,

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they'll let you win.
Well,

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that's not so good because you know you 
need to win too.

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Especially if you're in an organization 
of adults where there's.

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There's a struggle,
right?

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When you have kids,
you can let them win.

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Especially infants you like.
You have to let them win and that's 

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partly why compassion is so necessary,
but as a,

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as a basis for negotiation between 
adults,

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it's like,
sorry,

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it's insufficient.
You have to.

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You have to be a bit of a monster so 
that you can say no and so a lot of what

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you do in psychotherapy is treat 
people's anxiety and depression.

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That's a huge chunk of it.
Help them straighten out the way they 

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think.
That's a huge chunk of it,

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but another chunk of it is,
well,

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let's toughen you up.
You know,

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let's put you in a position where you 
can bargain.

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Let's teach you how to assert yourself 
and stand up for yourself and that's 

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assertiveness training and it's a huge 
chunk of psychotherapy and you need to.

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You need to learn it.
It's like because part of how you 

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regulate your interactions with other 
people is to negotiate and you cannot 

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negotiate unless you can say no,
you can't do it,

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and its causes conflict to say no,
and if you don't like conflict,

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which is basically the definition of 
being agreeable,

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then you can't tolerate the conflict and
so then you can't negotiate on your own 

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behalf and so then you keep losing and 
you're bullied and you know it's not 

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good.
Then you get resentful and,

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and it's really not good.
So you have to develop your inner 

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monster a little bit and,
and then that makes you a better person,

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not a worst person.
It's weird.

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It's weird,
but,

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but that's just how it is.