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There's three things that divide women 
and men most,

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particularly from the psychometric 
perspective.

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One is that women are more agreeable 
than men,

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and so that seems to be the primary 
maternal dimension as far as I can tell,

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it's associated with a desire to avoid 
conflict,

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but it's associated with interpersonal 
closeness,

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compassion,
politeness.

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Women are reliably higher than men,
especially in the Scandinavian countries

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and in the countries where 
egalitarianism has progressed the 

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farthest,
so that's where the difference is.

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Maximize,
which is one of the things James Demore 

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pointed out quite correctly in his 
infamous google memo.

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Okay.
Women are higher in negative emotion,

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so that's anxiety and emotional pain 
that that difference is approximately 

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the same size and again that maximizes 
in egalitarian societies which is 

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extremely interesting and then the 
biggest difference is the difference in 

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interest between people and things and 
so women are more interested in people 

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and men are more interested in things 
which goes along quite nicely with your 

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car anecdote,
but the thing about men interacting with

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Matt and again is that it isn't that 
they respect each other's viewpoints.

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That's not exactly right.
What happens with a man,

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and I know a lot of men that I would 
regard as as remarkably tough people for

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one reason or another and everything you
do with them is a form of combat.

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Like if you want your viewpoint taken 
seriously,

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often you have to yell them down and 
like they're not going to stop talking 

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unless you start talking over them.
You know,

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and it's,
it's not like manner automatically 

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giving respect to other men because that
just doesn't happen.

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Instead,
the combat is there and it's expected 

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and one of the problems.
And so this is part of the reason why I 

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think men are being taken out of so much
of academia and,

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and,
and maybe the academic world in general 

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and maybe the world in general,
is that man actually don't have any idea

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how to compete with women.

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Because the problem is,
is that if you unleash yourself 

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completely,
then you're an absolute bully.

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And there's no doubt about that.
Because if men unleashed themselves on 

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other men,
that can be pretty goddamn brutal.

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Especially for the men that are really 
tough and this.

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So that just doesn't happen with women,
but so you can unleash yourself 

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completely if you,
when you're a bully,

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if you lose while you're just bloody 
pathetic.

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So how the hell are you supposed to play
a game like that,

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you know?
So in I've worked with lots of women in 

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law firms and in Canada for example,
and high achieving women,

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like really remarkable people I would 
say.

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And they're often nonplussed I would say
by the attitude of the man in the law 

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firm because they would like to see 
everyone pulling together because 

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they're all part of the same team,
whereas the manner like at each other's 

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throats in an,
in a cooperative way because they want 

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the law firm to succeed,
but they want to be the person who's at 

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the top of the success hierarchy.
Right?

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So,
and that,

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that doesn't jive well with the more 
competitive or cooperative ethos.

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That's part and parcel of agreeableness.
And so we don't really have any idea how

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to integrate male and female dominance.
And that's exactly right.

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This is why I this show,

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real housewives and went to,
which is more sentence scorns and just 

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say just last night,
okay.

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I was watching an episode right where 
the women were at each other.

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Okay.
At a party and in,

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in,
in recounting,

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but I said this to you,
but you said this to me and you and the 

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men got.
We got together there and said,

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well,
this is the way they communicate with 

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each other and insight in the men we 
men,

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okay.
Just we'll have a fistfight and wheel 

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him in 10 minutes later we're going to 
have a beer at the bar next to each 

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other and so and I have observed that my
mind fire daughter,

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my daughter used to be really irritated 
about that because she,

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she,
like most people was the target of 

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feminine.
Conspiratorial bullying when she's no 

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pushover,
my daughter.

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So this wasn't like this was a continual
thing or that she didn't know what to do

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about it,
but she used to observe these girls 

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conspiring against her and then black 
getting your name on on facebook,

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which is part of it,
part and parcel of the typical female 

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bullying routine,
which is often reputation demolition,

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right?
That there's a good literature on that.

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And then she'd watched what would happen
if my brother or my son would have a 

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dispute with his friends,
you know,

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and maybe they were drinking and there 
was a dispute,

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they'd have a fight and then the next 
day they were friends again.

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And that's another thing that's strange 
is that men have a way of bringing a 

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conflict to a head and resolving it 
right.

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And that it isn't the obvious to me that
women have that same.

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Perhaps you might call it a luxury,
but it's also the case that men don't 

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know what to do when they get into a 
conflict with a woman.

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Because what the hell are you supposed 
to do?

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You know?
Mostly what you're supposed to do is 

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avoid it.